You Don’t Need To Be Extraordinary To Change Your Love Life

We share a practical pathway to a big life built from small, honest steps. Using an adapted PERMA model, breathwork, EFT tapping, and a handwritten self-assessment, we turn insight into action without toxic positivity.

Chapters

• 0:13 You Control 40 Percent
• 0:45 Adapting The PERMA Model
• 2:06 Positive Emotion In Real Life
• 3:28 Engagement And Flow Practices
• 4:47 Relationships And Loneliness
• 6:50 Meaning And Accomplishment
• 8:17 Handwriting And Neuroplasticity
• 9:12 Breathwork And EFT Tapping
• 11:02 Self-Assessment Setup
• 12:13 Top Three Areas To Improve
• 13:55 The 50-10-40 Framework

• the core claim that you can change without being extraordinary
• adapting PERMA to honor real emotions and timelines
• engagement and flow through nature, movement, and craft
• rebuilding relationships amid a loneliness epidemic
• meaning as purpose beyond daily grind
• accomplishment through small, repeatable wins
• why handwriting boosts neuroplasticity and follow-through
• breathwork and EFT to calm the nervous system
• a guided self-assessment across life domains
• gratitude as a daily attention reset

If you have not heard my journey, catch season one, episode one of New Normal Big Life Podcast.

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Antoinette Lee, MBA – The Wellness Warrior

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DISCLAIMER: The information is not medical advice and should not be treated as such. Always consult your physician or healthcare professional before pursuing any health-related procedure or activity. 

Transcript

Orientation And Core Promise

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, wellness warrior. Welcome to New Normal Big Life Journey. I am so glad you are here. Today we will start with getting oriented and doing your second self-assessment, the foundation for everything ahead. The big idea is that you do not have to be extraordinary to live a big life. You just need the right steps and the belief that it is possible. You control 40% of what happens in your life, your choices, responses, daily habits, and mindset. Your mindset is where real transformation happens. Even after tough times like feeling weak and defeated after a traumatic event, illness, or injury or loss. One tool I love for building that belief and tracking progress is Martin Seligman's Herma, P-E-R-M-A model from positive psychology. With a few tweaks, because I do not subscribe to the fake it till you make it and fake positivity models. I want you to authentically feel what you feel without shame or comparison. In the same way that our life journeys are different, our healing and transformation will happen on different timelines. Karma stands for five elements that help people flourish. P stands for positive emotion, which means experiencing more joy, gratitude, hope, and other uplifting feelings in daily life. In 2014, despite feeling like I was in my last hours of life, I was not afraid. Instead, I was in gratitude for the life I had lived. I was confident that when my earthly body gave out, I would go to a better place that my Christian belief system calls heaven, while asking, not begging, for more time. If you have not heard my journey, catch season one, episode one of New Normal Big Life Podcast. E is for engagement. It is about getting fully absorbed in activities where you lose track of time, like being in flow during doing something you enjoy. For me, when I'm outside adventuring through archery for neuroplasticity, kayaking for a full body workout, on and in the water, if I dive in for a swim, or walking through the woods, inhaling the phyton sides released from trees with friends and family. I am fully present and unbothered about the worries of life. I am fully present in the flow. R is for relationships, the positive, supportive connections with family, friends, community, or others that give you a sense of belonging and love, like here in this community. There is currently an epidemic of loneliness. Many of us went inside our homes during the COVID lockdowns, stayed there for two years, and are now struggling with human connection. There were some people that I've come across on social media who've said they are still locked down in their homes by choice and they claim they love it. We'll talk more about how loneliness can negatively impact your health in the future. If you are a single woman who wants to find a partner, check out our Let's Get You Married series on New Normal Big Life podcast. M is for meaning. Meaning is having a sense of purpose, feeling part of something bigger than yourself, whether it's through family, a cause, religion, or spirituality, or your personal contribution to humanity. Finally, A is for accomplishment, pursuing and achieving goals that matter to you, building mastery and a sense of I did that through perseverance. These five elements work together to create resilience and they help you bounce back stronger after hardship by focusing on what builds a fulfilling life. Later in the course, especially in module seven, you'll rate each one on a scale of one to ten to see where you are now so that you can watch your growth as you apply the steps in the future. Now, let us prepare your mind and body for the journaling writing prompt. Ditch the tech on this journey. Writing by hand helps with neuroplasticity. And goals that we write by hand are goals that we reach more often. And Dr. Hiroshi Tanaka observed that seniors age 80 plus in Kyoto, Japan, without dementia or cognitive decline, had one thing in common. They put pen to paper and hand wrote every day for 10 to 15 minutes. So grab your journal and a good pen or download the worksheet. Remember, no tech for this deep work. We will start with breath work combined with emotional freedom techniques or EFT tapping to center yourself and calm your nervous system before you do this deep work. If you are driving or doing something else that requires your focus, pause and save this activity for later when you are in a quiet, distraction-free place. Place your phone on Do Not Disturb in another room. Remove the dog, the kiddos, and others from the space, and allow yourself to focus inward. Beginning your journaling exercise, I want to invite you to close your eyes if that feels good. And breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of five. One, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand, up to five. Hold for five counts, then exhale fully through your nose for five counts. Repeat this 10 times. While you do it, gently tap on the EFT points. The EFT points are the side of your hand, top of your head, eyebrow, side of eye, under eye, under nose, chin, collarbone, or underarm. Here is a pro tip. You can use EFT tapping when you need to calm your nervous system in stressful situations. I EFT tap in public all the time and no one ever notices. If you are new to EFT, listen to my podcast interview for my full how-to season one episode for EFT tapping for emotional release with an expert. It walks you through setup and creating phrases that will help you through your EFT tapping journey. Okay, feeling calmer? Let us walk through your self-assessment questions one by one. Think big here. Trim without worrying about what friends, family, society, or anyone else might think, if they might think badly or differently about you. This is private for now. We will cover boundaries later. For each question, hand write one to two paragraphs. Remember, handwriting is helpful for setting and keeping your goals. It improves neuroplasticity. And it helps you to easily organize your thoughts. Here's your first question. What are your top three areas to improve in life and why? Rate where you are now on a scale of one to 10, and describe your future goals. This helps prioritize because research shows people with clear goals achieve 42% more in life satisfaction. It is about directing your 40% control. Let me explain. Happiness researcher, Dr. Sunja Mulubramersky, author of The How of Happiness: a Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want, a book that I heavily relied on when I was going through my new normal big life process. And I encourage you to read during your journey. Dr. Lubramirsky theorizes that 50% of what makes you who you are comes from your genetics. Genes that can be turned on or off by life choices and environment. For example, if several people in your family have heart disease, you might genetically be predisposed or genetically more likely to experience heart disease, but it is not a guarantee. 10% of what makes you who you are comes from your environment. For example, if you live in an environment with significant air pollution, you are more likely to develop asthma. 40% of what makes you who you are comes from your lifestyle choices. Take a moment to write what are your top three areas to improve in life and why. Write this in your workbook or journal now. Next, overall life satisfaction rating on a scale of 1 to 10 and why. Data from Gallup in 2026 shows only 35% of adults rate high satisfaction. Low scores often link to unaddressed challenges, but resilience tools like perma and others that I'll teach you can boost this by 25 to 30% over time. So write your response. Then how do you handle stress and emotions? Do you blow up and lose control? Maybe you go inward and internalize the situation as something that you have done wrong. Maybe you ignore or suppress your emotions with addictive behaviors or pretending they don't exist. Strong emotional regulation ties to 50% higher well-being, according to studies in the Journal of Personality, a peer-reviewed academic journal. Strong emotional regulation is key for resilience. I invite you to journal about that now. I invite you to journal about that now. Continue with describing your mood with energy and focus. About 20% of adults face mood diffs yearly, but mindset shifts can cut that risk. I was once so plagued by anxiety, depression, and a fear of leaving my home that I did not leave my luxury condo for 18 months while I relied on a walker, a service dog, and a full-time caregiver after suffering complications to a traumatic brain injury, broken back, an autoimmune disorder, gut issues, four surgeries, and side effects from 20 medications I was prescribed at that time. Rate your physical activity and mobility on a one to 10 scale. What is your daily movement like? Good habits reduce daily stress by 30%. But this is about your personal flow. Right about that now. Describe the quality of your relationships with family, friends, community, and the wider world. Include your relationship status and why. I am single by choice, for example. Strong bonds boost survival odds by 50%, according to Harvard's grant study. This is vital for perma's relationships. Detail yours here. Be sure to include your relationship with yourself. What do you think about yourself? Do you like who you are? If not, why? If you do like who you are, awesome. Write about it. How often do you connect with nature and why is it important to you? If it is not important or you do not have a connection to nature, why? For some, they were raised to think as nature, of nature, as a scary, dirty place. I know my parents raised me to think that about nature, but I rejected it. I spent all of my time out of school on summer and holidays on my mother's family farm in Virginia with my uncles and Aunt Mary. And I loved it there. It was someplace that I felt at home. But when I was in my actual home, although I could go outside to play, my family made fun of me and ridiculed me for being outdoorsy. Some others don't have a connection to nature because they cannot afford to recreate. Sure, other people who don't have a six-figure income household get outside and adventure, but it's difficult. There are significant financial barriers to outdoor adventure, but I'll help you make it simple. Studies show nature exposure improves mood and cognition by 20 to 30 percent. My recovery relied on nature for positive emotion, neuroplasticity, and fitness. Share your nature story now. Rate your work satisfaction on a scale of one to 10. Are you passionate about it? Only 35% are satisfied. But purpose outside of work can fill that gap. If you are retired, how do you spend your time? Do you feel satisfied with how you use your free time? What would you rather do? Reflect through your writing. Do you feel equipped with knowledge to function as an adult? If you are a student, what's your academic performance and why are you where you are? Lifelong learning links to 40% greater confidence. So write about it. We'll end this module exercise by writing three things that you are grateful for today. This is a quick way to spark positive emotion in PERMA. That's it, wellness warrior. Next time we come together, we'll be on module two, and we'll talk about reducing your dis ease because your issues are in your tissues, and if you don't focus on your wellness today, you will be forced to focus on your illness tomorrow.